The Causes of Sexual Addiction 

#sex #addict 

We all know what sexual addiction is. It manifests itself in many forms. But it usually stems from early in life and continues till it is recognized and taken care of. The question among many is at what point sex starts becoming an addiction and when should you have to do something about it. 

The fastest rising form of sexual addiction these days is addiction to porn. This is obviously due to the facility of access to free porn on the Internet. And it isn’t these creepy old men that are doing it. It’s anybody. And it is becoming a serious societal problem, causing detachment and loneliness both for the one addicted and the others around them. 

Read this woman’s sexual addiction story. 

It seems something out of a porn movie but on a PG level. 

And this woman’s. 

We begin to see the causes and effects. This could be an opportunity for me to elaborate in book form on the subject. But let’s touch on what I deem the most important points. 

SEX ADDICTION STARTS EARLY IN LIFE

Bullying and other types of antisocial behavior often cause isolation and a need to belong. Self-esteem is lost and desperation sets in. This young girl may become susceptible to manipulation due to her lack of esteem. She is open to predators such as pimps,  sugar daddies, and just plain sociopaths. 

It would be wrong to exclude men from the equation. They can come to the same situation. The difference is the handling of it. It is less likely that they’ll be the victims of the same people. In this case, they may become the ones doing the victimization. They become the pimps. The predators. The creepy salivating gropers. 

In essence, there is a circle of abusers and abused taking advantage and being taken advantage of. 

SOCIETALNORMS REINFORCE SELF HATE 

Body image is one example of how women get even lower in the self-esteem ladder. When perfectly fine women or girls have to live up to certain body types, there is no wonder they will be affected and want to convince themselves they are worth something. This is what night club predators refer to as an easy or loose woman. On the surface she’s a sex addict, when in fact she’s just destroying her mind and soul. This is a situation that needs immediate attention.  

This is how these girls may see themselves. 

SHAME ATTACHED TO SEX ADDICTION 

We need to stop judging people based upon their sexual lives. 

This article gives a good general overview relating to sex addiction. 

Lonzo Ball Will Never Be a Role Model 

#Lonzo-Ball

Lonzo Ball,  guided by greedy father Lavar Ball, is starting his pre -NBA days on the wrong foot  ( excuse the pun ).

Lonzo Ball, like not many before him,  is a very promising young basketball player that should take the NBA by storm.  I don’t pretend to know much about basketball, but I know enough about sports and life to see an insensitive marketing scheme. There’s nothing wrong with marketing. I market myself all the time. But I’m not the next great NBA superstar. I also keep my priorities straight and respect my audience. In Ball’s case, he needs to keep scandals to a minimum and earn the respect of his peers,  his community,  and his future fans. This comes with the territory of being a millionaire professional athlete. You have certain responsibilities to live up to. 

Who would’ve thought the ugly shoes above would be what’s raising eyebrows. Usually you need to keep your record clean or at least fix it. You need to show remorse,  however fake it may be. You need to try and give to the people who will be the ones paying your salary  — the fans. Yes,  all you need to do is respect the fans and play at 110% every game. This for a multimillion-dollar yearly salary. 

Here’s an article by the New York Times on this. 
On the surface, the problem is one of greed. Ball’s shoes are retailing for  $495 and the signature ones at  $995. Sandals go for  $220. These prices are outrageous, since they’re branding and spokesperson hasn’t played a game in the NBA.  Michael Jordan’s elite shoes are cheaper than these. And he’s arguably the greatest player of all time. Shaquille O’Neal is selling shoes at under $100. This is where the real problem lies.

When asked about the high price of the shoes, Ball said that if you can’t afford it then you’re not a baller. Really? Is this the way you market yourself? Couldn’t he at least give a respectable answer,  even if he didn’t mean it? 

In a world where we look for positive role models,  Ball is lower than what’s scraped off the bottom of a barrel. So far,  this shoe fiasco and the handling of it makes him the most insensitive creep to ever be a talented athlete. 

And the shoes are ugly. 

Shame on the Ball family. Shame on the senior Ball for trying to make a profit by possibly destroying his son’s reputation. And shame on any of us who let this happen. 

If these become popular taxing and bullying will be on the rise. 

 

My Story of Being Sexually Harassed by a Female Student 

#sexual #assault #harassment 

I was teaching English as a second language full time.  As I was bending over to get my notes,  a student  ( about 45 or so ) said she couldn’t resist the target. She pretended to slap my butt but stopped short by a fraction of an inch. The other ladies seemed uncomfortable as they smiled and looked down. They seemed to be beneath her in the company hierarchy.  After class,  she came into my personal space and groped me for 2 seconds. She then told me she’d see me next week. The following week nothing happened. Nothing happened for the rest of the 10 weeks. Instead of feeling relieved,  I felt nervous before each class. The more nothing happened the more afraid I became. I felt as though I needed to be prepared to be on guard. At the same time,  I felt inadequate or like I did something wrong because I was being ignored right after I was her centre of attention. 

I was 25 and been sexually harassed. Abused? Used? Assaulted? The end result was a phone call 2 weeks after class. She had gotten my number from the school. The school gave her the number because she said she wanted to personally congratulate me for a great class. Or so she said. I never asked the school. I would sound and look like an idiot.  I agreed to meet. There was a sort of cleansing in doing this. She seemed to be a serial rapist. I knew she’d done this before. And no one would dare say anything. We met a few times after this until there was a mutual understanding that she had adequately used me as she wanted to and that I would be scarred somehow.  

Truth is that Ilearned that day what being abused sexually was like. In the last meeting,  when she hugged me and told me “have a good life, darling ” I realized how this was the end and she had won. Again. 

Life Balance — The Key to Personal Stability 

#life-balance #life-coach #success #balance  

Above are the main areas that need balancing for most people. Some will take out or add one or two areas but, in general,  we all want the same thing —life balance which, in turn, makes us less vulnerable to perceived failure and more focused on the successful completion of our end goal. 

Mental and Physical Health 

I have continually stressed the most important factor to happiness is leaving yourself open to success by being of sound mind and body. This doesn’t just mean you need to be in perfect health — it means you need to live up to your maximal capacity and capabilities with the physical or mental situation you’re in at the moment. And whether this situation changes or not, you need to always strive to be the best you can. 

Family, Friends, and Community 

People always need to belong. The longing for belonging often makes us opt for the wrong things. As long as we learn from these choices,  time is never wasted on them.  

We need to keep close relationships with family and friends. The challenge arises when one or more people among these groups tend to bring about toxic behavior or feelings in us. These are people who are often negative for us. They impede our progress and often make us regress. It is not selfish to keep these people from affecting us adversely. We’d be doing both them and us a favor. 

At the same time we need to branch out into the community. We need to make strides in achieving our end goal. With healthy community and filial outlets, the road becomes calmer, clearer, and more interesting.

Professional and Financial Success 

It is difficult to define what professional success is to different people. It is even harder to quantify financial success. A life coach goes through the steps of defining your ambitions and your success in them. Plans are drawn up to recognize yourself as a person before you delve into progressing successfully in achieving your professional and financial goals. 

In the end, we all have our own unique personality which will define what the best road to success is. It’s a matter of finding out how our knowledge and experience can be used. 

Get Rid of Constant Fatigue and Invigorate Your Life 

#fatigue #diet #sleep #health 

I got a request from a 35-year-old, otherwise healthy, woman to help her with her fatigue. She had been to the doctor and the diagnosis was stress with, as usual, the mundane advice of “just get rid of the stressors in your life”. The woman could not get rid of her husband, children, and job. And this is when you get frustrated and stop seeing the doctor and give up, accepting all your “incurable ” ills as part of getting old and weary prematurely. Just look at the picture above. That’s your goal. If you don’t like running, then Google some other desirable icon and let it be your goal. My aim with this young lady was to make her fatigue and fear go away. All she needed was the right type of knowledge to become confident and empowered. 

Detoxify and Energize your Morning 

The detoxification of all the crap in our bodies needs to begin in the morning. Water with lemon is the best way to start this process. Make sure you have nothing till you drink a cold glass or a hot cup of this. I would recommend adding baking soda if you can digest it properly. It can do wonders for your immune system. 

0% yoghurt is for people who absolutely have a problem with fat or cholesterol. If possible, 5%, or full fat,  yoghurt is the best way to go. We need as much good fat as possible. And don’t forget the superiority of Greek yoghurt. When we take in the protein and good fat value, there is no question that any other kind of yoghurt is quite inferior. Yoghurt is essential in starting off your day. 

Adding Maca to your yoghurt will give you all the necessary energy-boosting advantages above. Adding honey or pure maple syrup can also help you ultra boost your morning. And remember, the morning decides the rest of your day.  Eggs and avocados are also great for energy, as are raspberries. Try to incorporate theseinto your diet in the morning or during the day. 

The Need for Proteins 

Nuts, in small amounts, are the best energy -boosting snacks. 

Protein needs to be incorporated into your diet every day. Meat needs to be eaten. Make sure it’s of the highest qualitywith no hormones or additives. 

The best source ofnatural pure protein is salmon. As far as non-meat products go, hemp is the only protein source with all the essential amino acids of meat. Always have some in the fridge or pantry. 

Wake Up Energized and Stay That Way 

We again have to get back to the morning. I can’t emphasize enough on how the morning is by far the most important part of your day in terms of fueling up for the long hours ahead. 

If you wake up invigorated, you won’t be yawning in front of your computer. People generally need between 6 to 9 hours of sleep a night. This varies by individual and quality of sleep. How do we get quality sleep? It’s much easier said than done. As a physician would say,  get rid of the thoughts in the image below. 

These problems affect almost everyone. In difficult situations, they can overwhelm and put us on the brink of a burnout. This must be avoided at all costs. But the answer is not quitting your job or locking the world away. The solution involves tackling your problem and finding a solution. Let’s face it, stressors will always exist and we’ll need to know how to build coping mechanisms. I will not go into detail here. Suffice it to say it takes yoga and /or meditation. It can also include running and going to the gym. It takes talking to a professional. This is something we need to overcome. There is no shame in seeking counseling. The shame is in not being able to ever get your energy back or recover from mental or physical illness due to stress. 

My Advice in a Nutshell 

Fatigue is an important stage in the physical and mental deterioration of the body due to poor or rigid lifestyle choices that have brought about overexertion and stress. It is a cry for help that needs to be addressed immediately. 

You need to change your lifestyle while not giving up your life. You need to come out of this a stronger person, not one that has been scarred and is more limited than before. This is the problem here and it’s because drugs are given instead of natural remedies and advice. Sure, drugs have their role. But only in emergencies and where all options have been exhausted. 

In this case, the young woman needs to eat and sleep better, increasing her protein and good fat intake. She needs to exercise more and see herself from outside her subjective bubble. 

Where the Streets Have No Name 

#Park-Extension #lane 

What better memories of childhood than laundry drying on the clotheslines in the lane. Just the lane. No name. In Park Extension,  it’s the lane between 2 north-south streets where we would play pick-up sports, hang around, or even test our new handmade slingshots. 

But the following could also be seen. Part of the landscape, for better or worse. 

Tristana by Luis Bunuel —Review 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066491/

#Tristana #Bunuel #Catherine-Deneuve 

There’s nothing quite as exciting for a cinéphile than watching a film of someone who was exiled from his own country. There must be something from his political outlook in it. There must be something that will make you have a mini epiphany. 

Luis Bunuel was exiled for his political beliefs by the Spanish junta. He was someone low-key as a filmmaker. He was even disgusted when his film,  “Tristana”, was up for an Academy Award for best foreign film. He must have been relieved not to have won. Perhaps it didn’t win because the film was too progressive for North American sensors and even audiences. This was 1970 of course. It was the beginning of more freedom of expression and,  believe it or not,  the depiction of women somewhat a bit away from the beaten path. Bunuel,  ever the ‘nationalist patriot’ wanted an all-Spanish cast. He had to acquiesce and, among others, put the sexy and sultry French actress Catherine Deneuve in the starring role. I can’t imagine anyone doing a better job playing the title role. 

The film begins slowly and is somewhat wordy, giving me the vibe of a theatre play. The ever-so-innocent Tristana is probably of legal age when her mother dies and leaves her in the care of the perfectly -cast Fernando Rey as Don Lope. Don Lope is a man who loathes work and has survived on what seems to be the backs of others. He is perhaps Bunuel’s image of himself, but of a sort that was stepped on and stepped on others. The man is respectable in public,  but we find out he’s a letch. He wants to,  and becomes, both father and husband to Tristana. The girl doesn’t have much choice. She has nowhere to go. She needs permission to go out. But like almost any girl,  she defies him and finds a boyfriend. Another lover. 

This is the gist of the plot. It’s the character studies that are important here. Don Lope is poor and a miserable person until he inherits the family wealth when his sister dies. He slowly morphs into a caring man, which seems surprising. He has to work his way up to it, but he succeeds where most fail —money makes him a better man. 

When Tristana comes back to town because of cancer, he opens his home to her again and takes her abuse. We seem to feel less sorry for her, as she lets her hate consume her. And it seems like she has a perverted side we need to figure out. 

In the most daring scene of the movie,  Tristana opens her bedroom door and flashes her bare chest at the deaf Saturno, a younger man that she always defended earlier and whom she uses as her wheelchair chauffeur now.  It seems she has sex with him whenever she feels like it. This sets up the last part of the film well because we have seen what happens when you are abused. Or perhaps when you have power that you didn’t have before. 

I’m not sure how well Bunuel was acquainted with James Joyce’s “The Dubliners”, specifically “The Dead” short story. It is snowing out there, and we can feel Don Lope will depart soon. He is moribund, yet happy. Fulfilled. In the end,  Tristana pretends to call the doctor when Don Lope is in extreme pain. Instead, she seems to have let him die. How the innocent have strayed. How the wicked always get their way. 

Tristana is a small masterpiece because it is not shy to reveal the reality of humanity gone astray. And we can see that everything happens for a reason. 

Rating: 8.5/10

Antiparos,Greece — Class, Calm,  and Nudism 

#antiparos #Greece #nudists #Cyclades 

It took my friend and me 2 hours to circle Paros with out scooters. It would have taken longer if he wasn’t driving the scooter like a Canadian tourist, holding on tightly for dear life at every sharp turn. I knew I was completely fearless and stress-free when little matters like life and safety came in a distant second to just being there for the moment. Paros is the perfect example of a white and blue windmilled island in the Cyclades.  

Then we came upon this sign 

The next day I took the 12 o’clock 2-minute fairy fairy ride to Antiparos. The 4-hour interval between fairies wasn’t surprising. Even in as secluded a place as Antiparos, the siesta rule was still in effect. The law in most places banned any excessive and /or unnecessary noise between 2 and 5 in the afternoon.  It sort of fit the schedule here. And this makes it interesting, because it’s easier to get a feel when there’s less people up and about. 

Camping sites are usually the main areas for tourism on the island and usually easily accessible to the general public. It’s no different here. The camping site is also home to the first nudist beach in the Cyclades. 


It is quite small, but very popular. I just reached this point of it and headed back, since being clothed seemed to be frowned upon, according to the manager of the camping site. 

Antiparos has a very small population and a relatively small amount of tourists. For this reason, the beaches are quite abundant and you can pretty much do what want on any beach. 

I like to see some people on the beach. It being late-August, the off season was starting. I drove around a bit till I came here. 

The water is extremely calm and clean. I decided to camp out here and take a small swim. It is never too hot on these islands,  as there are constant winds blowing. The 34 degrees seemed very tolerable. As I lay down reading my book, I slowly fell into lovely slumber. It was so relaxing. I knew where I was yet I was dreaming and sleeping deeply. After an hour, I got up and realized that the dream had ended. I was indeed on a beach in Antiparos. I went for a cold Frappé coffee.

Still trying to snap out of slumber,  I was approached by a girl who told me her name was Bianca and that she was from Belgium.  She asked if I wanted to buy her a drink. I looked at her and decided she was doing this independently so I agreed.  We chatted mostly in French. She had been there for a couple of weeks and had been inspired to paint. With September coming the following week, she had to go to a bigger European city for the off season. She had mentioned Prague, but thought it too saturated.  I listened to this confused girl and asked her if she was alone. All her friends had left the island to continue their island hopping. They hadn’t found their inspiration. 

We finished and hopped on my scooter and went to her place. It was quaint, overlooking some olive trees and some farmland. There was a steady breeze blowing in. Her room was part of a Greek family’s home. She told me they lived here year-round.  Having told her I collected paintings, she showed me some she thought were good. I picked out one in the back of the pile and told her I’d buy that one. It was an elementary piece of work that looked like water colour class. But it sort of stuck out. I sensed a tinge of despair on her face. Sort of like I was insulting the rest of her work. I picked up the painting and asked her if she wanted to eat at a nice restaurant. 

We went to a relaxing and classy place. The good thing about the islands is that you never have to dress well. At least not in the smaller islands. 

We ate and had a good time. One of the best part of my island trip was my discovery of how the most important thing in sustaining interest with others was a good conversation. In my case, it was with much younger women. I wasn’t middoe-aged, yet it felt cathartic every time I got inside the mind and body of one. It was a form of sensory communication where everything just seemed to fall into place. 

In hindsight, this may have been the doing of a relaxed mind that was able to reach whatever potential it strove for. Either way, the metropolis made it much harder before and after my trip. 

Depression Is Out of the Closet — Just Smile Back

#depression #mental-illness #lady-Gaga #prince-William 

I’m glad to see that even the Royal family gets the blues. And it’s a big step forward to see Prince William reach out with the help of Lady Gaga, who has spoken about her PTSD after being raped at age 19.  Gaga feels depressed in the morning, like many dealing with depression do. Though many celebrities have come out in one way or another,  I have never seen such an outpouring of knowledge about mental illness as in the last few days. People are beginning to understand other people. They empathize,  which is a lot more important than sympathizing. After all,  sympathy solves nothingbecause there is just emotion without proper knowledge or understanding. Empathy involves a vicarious understanding of the other’s situation. With this, you will care more and be able to empower yourself and the other. 

Sarah Silverman,  above,  is a great comedian and depressed, still taking Zoloft to keep her functioning properly. Unlike Gaga, who has a definite reason for her depression, most people are like Silverman,  who has no real traumatic event that caused her illness. And it is just that —an illness. Like diabetes or IBS. 

Clara Hughes is an Olympic hero, winning gold in both the winter and summer Olympics for Canada. This makes her one of the greatest athletes of all time. But Clara has battled with depression and still does.

When Clara came out of an otherwise padlocked and sealed closet, it was a major leap into understanding mental illness in Canada. 

It comes as no surprise to many that Sinead O’Connor was one of the pioneers of mental illness awareness way back in the previous millenium. For some reason,  it was premature and she was silenced. The media decided to focus at her outbursts as blasphemous. She had to almost kill herself,  or at least threaten to as a cry for help,  before anyone payed attention to her. And even then, they just called her unstable and continuing her blasphemy by becoming a minister herself. 

For me,  Sinead should have committed suicide by now. She obviously found a lot of love and support and used her golden voice to build up awareness through melancholy lullabies. She has become a legend in more ways than one. 

Can one of the ‘Mad Men’ be overcome by depression. Just ask Jon Hamm,  who has led the way in Hollywood. The above quote is true for many people I have come across. The truth is, you can’t help yourself alone. You need help. 

The lovely and talented Kerry Washington tells it well in the above quote,  which reminded me it’s time for a dental cleaning.  Clean your teeth, your body, your brain. But most of all,  clean your soul, the deciding factor on your happiness. 

I just love Dwayne Johnson. He is approachable, honest, polite, intelligent,  humble, and suffers from depression.  And yes, ladies, he is the sexiest man alive. He is also the highest paid actor of 2016. He is renowned worldwide. He is the Rock. And his input on the subject makes a big difference. 

Marilyn Monroe, Robin Williams, and Jim Morrison are 3 people, like millions of others, that didn’t get enough help and died. Let’s not mince words here. They died, as you will if you don’t get help. 

Talk to your doctor. Go to the clinic, even the emergency room if need be. You are NOT crazy. Like most people, you have an illness that your actions didn’t cause. You have a physical illness. Depression is as physical as cancer, diabetes, heart problems, etc. It is a disease — an illness.  It is a silent killer but, alas, it has come out of the closet.