I Love a Girl

I Love a Girl

I love a girl

She lives on whims

Sometimes distorted

Yet always true

Dedicated

Emancipated

.

I love a girl

I know but for five days

She understands my soul

I feel dependent

Yes, independent

We count the raindrops

On the window

.

The pane on a lonely sill

Trying to keep insipid maggots away

I swear I saw her smile

I swear she had stopped crying

She was still rosy and thin

Like a girlfriend; just out of a coma

.

Pain while leaning on the window sill

It’s turned to mundane thoughts

Of boring tranquility

The kind that takes away creativity

That’ll keep your ear from being accidentally cut off

.

I love a girl

And she loves me

We’re both living in serendipity

Our lives

Our works

Our sweet temporary madness

We paint on an empty easel-less board

We write our thoughts on a chalkboard

.

And that’s the story of our creative life

When turned off, it’s hedonistic

.

I love a girl

As much as I should

I know she loves me

Loves me for good

(C) Ted Kouretas 2018

Main post photo: Ted Kouretas — Park Bench in Autumn Leaves (Montreal, 2018)

Photo below: Ted Kouretas — Prostitute Row (Psirri, Athens, 2017)

Iconoclast Effigy

Iconoclast Effigy

(C) Ted Kouretas 2018

The sand burns

Hot to the touch

Like all the sculptures of me and you

All the neophyte eulogies preaching selflessness

Political correctness, neoliberalism, and the like

You know…

A politically correct image

Of myself

Not of something sexier to look at

Or something a bit cuter

Of someone a bit happier in their naivete

Blessed be the young at heart

For mine is an old soul, deserving of an effigy

The picture will still be there

But my soul will be gone

More than it already is

It will go beyond nocturnal affiliations

Political realms

Naked bodies sinning

It will go beyond the hedonistic

It will be destroyed and lose its iconoclastic status

But it will mummify into the perverse

Black dripping orchids will surround it

With dungeon shouts

And finally, a semblance of normality

Defy

Recreate

Replenish

Multiply

A Hot Young Old-School Greek Communist

I was deciding where to sit in the Gazi neighbourhood in Athens. As you can see on the paper, it was Sunday, September 3rd, 2017. It would be my last day in Athens for yet another summer.

The image above was taken at a posh cafe just a few minutes after I’d bought it. I had come out of the amazing Athens metro system (boasting the title of best metro in Europe) and was walking my way up the stairs whena stunning young university student came up to me and asked me if I had been to the Greek Communist Youth conference.

“Sorry, I never heard about it. I’ve been out of the loop for so long,” I confessed.

She smiled and looked at me. She knew I was saying the truth yet was accepting the fact that I’d griwn out of it.

“You can help by buying a paper,” she asked, smiling, knowing she’d guilted me into it.

“I’ve got two hours to kill,” I told her. Do you need to stay here, or can I buy you coffee, a drink, or dinner?”

She smiled.

“Do I look like day game?”

“It’s actually after six. But it’s still day. But I haven’t heard that term in Greece. ”

She laughed, exposing her neck s she lensd backwards.

“Well, the word doesn’t have a Greek equivalent. We just call it kamaki,” she said.

“Παναγιώτη, πάω για καφέ,” she told a fellow university student. He nodded.

“Good. Bet you never thought I’d say yes to your offer. And i’m damn hungry,” she said.

We walked to my regular place. I was greeted personally by my waiter, and given my favourite seat. He barely looked at the girl. She didn’t quite fit the type of customer they be serving.

“Yes, Costa,” I said, “for two people. ”

The girl above is the hostess of the restaurant. She is supposed to be the eye candy that entices the people to take a seat.

We ordered and started chatting.

“I’ve learned to believe that the old-school Marxism you believe in can no longer win elections. The current government is the closest thing we’ll get. And they’re stuck,” I said.

“The Communists wouldn’t be stuck. Drachma overnight. Just like the finance minister admitted to having planned,” she answered.

“I totally agree with the ideal outcome. I totally want that to happen,” I said.

“So do you feel like a king here? Am I what you would want to be with? A starving university student who’s too shy to sell herself?”

“You seem to know more about it than that do. I was simply turned on by you. You know, you brought back the beauty of my youth,” I said.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I can no longer play you.”

“Play me?”

“We choose a victim every day or so. It’s so silly. Part of our communist rebellion against the oligarchs. Or against the people we think are trying to use our poverty to their advantage,” she said. “I fitbthe profile. Poor university student. And you fit the profile. An average tourist who comes to a country to take advantage of young ladies.”

“I’ve never thought of that. It would be easy to do though.”

“Unfortunately, you’re right.”

We started talking about the state of things and throwing out solutions. Before long, it was time to meet some relatives for dessert at Plaka.

Without a thought, we went tehre together. I introduced her as a friend. She was very sociable nd we all had a great night of earing, drinking, dancing, and talking.

She kissed me ever-so-softly as I went into the taxi waiting for me in front of my hotel to take me to the airport. I smiled. It had been so long since my university years. She waved at me and turned and started walking the other way. It had been a very interesting 18 hours.

Anthony Writes to Nate

Hi Nate:

I know, it’s been almost a decade since I wrote an actual paper letter to you. Remember those days when we still insisted on paper letters even though there was the ease of email? Sort of like the way we use email now instead of texting or skyping. Those were different days. Not because of the apparent ease of communication technology, but rather because we were young.

I remember back. Way back. Remember when we had to sit and drink our cold coffee and actually talk? We coukd easily pick out the shy ones then. There was no hiding. There was no secret text flirting. No. We flirted with our fucking eyes. Oh, my dear friend Nate. I miss those days.

I saw Amelia finally got married and had a baby as well. I saw it on Facebook the other day. Then I thought of my original letter about her. She was a terrific girl. But that slut image did her in. It saddens me still–knowing she actually gave in to fodder. But fodder can be strong. She was a beautiful girl. In so many ways. And so intelligent for her age. She was barely in her 20s yet she knew so much. Maybe it was her haughty upbringing. But it served her well. Lost souls like us turn out better without having the extra burden of money to worry about. Too bad that didn’t continue between her and me. I know I was over 10 years older, but u coukd imagine myself in an office overlooking the big city. As long as I toed the line and ident cheat on her. Yiu know, like an imprisonment sans creativity. But it would have righted wrongs, Nate. I would have fixed myself and then righted wrongs. And I’d have assurance. Insurance. I’d have reassurance. And financial backing.

Oh my God! What do I sound like? And now I capitalize ‘God’. Don’t worry. I’m still the same old me. That’s why I’m writing you, my friend. I’m more me than ever. I’ve delved moderately into my subconscious mind and come out with thoughts that explain so much. I know why I have suffered so often with my thoughts. With conflict. I know why I’ve gone astray. And I also know why I get sick and nothing wrong is found. But don’t let that fool you. If it continues, this pain and suffering of the body, they will one day find the menace. And they won’t at all understand what’s wrong except for what the diagram shows them. They will diagnose, hopefully something curable, and blame it on some ‘logical’ cause. Even stress needs to be questioned in terms of ‘why’.

I was molested by a female family member. There, I said it Nate. It’s easier that way. I just stumbled upon it during a discussion. The thought of her using me for her pleasure just played through like a stage play. Anyway, that’s past me now. But she is the reason for all those mood swings I was guilty of. And she may even be responsible for me subconsciously pushing Amelia away and becoming a sex addict. You knkw the rest. But do you know what it’s like to find this out when most of your life is over?

I had to share this with you because I can’t share it with anyone else. You know how the family would react. You caan imagine how difficult it is living with this. Thanks for reading it. It means so much.

Nate, if only we can alter our pasts. If we can keep all the beneficial events and get rid of the destructive ones. Fools bring up fools, as we’d already discussed. Imagine a negative thought now bringing about painful physical symptoms. Imagine npt being believed by elitist ignoramus doctors. They try to keep you well by not giving you the adequate drugs you need. And they blame it on the opiate crisis that they’ve invented. It’s like Greece being the global scapegoat for greedy bourgeois capitalists.

But you know, Nate, I’ll go out and get my opiate tonight. There’s a pub down the street. I don’t drink. I watch foos drink. They look so stupid. Then I pick a so-called ‘victim’. I talk to her. Say the right things. You know…. They are overtaken by my gallantry, charm, and potential for power. So I go through the rounds. Even if it bores me, I need that rush to keep my sanity.

It should ain’t no office in a skyscraper.

Warm regards,

Anthony

Christmas Day Trauma 

I must have been 9 years old. Maybe 10. It’s hard to keep these facts straight when you’re trying to forget them at the same time. It had been a pretty nice Christmas.  There were mountains of snow. As far as I remember,  it was balmy for that time. I was on the way to the schoolyard with my hockey stick. I can hear the other guys shooting the orange ball with their hockey stick against the wall. Jimmy hadn’t come there with the nets yet.

Steve told me to go to Jimmy’s and help him with the nets. A smile came on my face. Being an immigrant kid, and having been bullied to that day, it was an honour for me to be important. I left my stick with Steve and dashed towards Jimmy’s.  Did I mention thatbhe was a distant cousin? Not that distant. Maybe 2nd or so once removed. Nonetheless, our parents knew they were cousins. His mother told me he was in the basement. She was in a hurry and sped off. 

I went to the basement and there was Jimmy. He was with Rex, who looked even more ruthless than his kingly name. He was a gigantic and angry German shepherd.  Jimmy smiled in that eerie way where I could only see the whites of his eyes. He was a creepy guy who had always treated me well. This time he made Rex come towards me and smell me. I was very scared. He told me not to move or Rex might  bite my penis. Rex was drooling and smiling, but I  was still shaking. Jimmy hit the dog and the dog started barking and coming on me. He threw me down and I hit my shoulder against the wall.

Jimmy’s brother came down from somewhere. He told Jimmy to stop. They both looked at me and laughed. They told me it was over. It was ok. I was even allowed to carry Jimmy’s net to the schoolyard. The day ended as if nothing had happened. I told my cousin about it. She was the only one I could trust. She took care of it somehow. She always seemed to have my back.

It took me a while to trust dogs again.  But I love them now. I understand it was the humans that were the savages. 

About 20 years later, I hit Jimmy a few times while 2 others held him. Till this day, I would do it again instead of forgiving him. Very unchristian maybe, but very gratifying. 

John Keats Has Everything on Me

So far as bright stars go

Shining through the window

Onto her sultry bossom

As she heaves in sleep

While I look outside the window 

And think of Van Gogh
The virgin  land

Opening herself to me

To Keats

To others

And we all go our way

Take what we think we need

What we think we’ll one day understand 
Factories  become cubicles

Pens are keyboards

No matter what

No matter when

John Keats I’ll never be

Oh! Wretched Me

Ted Kouretas (c) 2017

I come to you from some nadir below

My wretched soul searching for mercy

Mercy comes to those who wait and plot

Who seize the moment

When it does come

————

I come to you from lofty towers

On the acme of a jeweled hill

Where consternation stirs

Oh

Wretched me

 Alone with myself

————

From the unknown valleys of my mind

I break through the void

I distinguish between road forks

I become one with time

And place

————

I exist in an ebb and flow through time

Parked here

Partly to serenade

Partly to understand

But fully to find an apt copilot

————–

Time is a diversion

Fear is akin to practicality

For they were both formed

 By the big boss men

Attrition

From “A Fine Line “

Late spring

Lilac season almost done

Still light at 8:00

Yet the routine kills

—————

Lavender dreams

Weekend spas

Flowers blooming

Pantiless, in the grass

——————-

You have nothing if you have loneliness

Especially if you’re a sweet soul

Never understood

Appreciated by very few

———————

She smells the flowers

Rejoices

Enjoys her lone splendour

Still in the nest

———————

Attrition is difficult

We’re used to being alone

Crying ourselves to sleep

———————

We bathe in the goodness of newfound friends

Try to let go of the past

But cry sometimes

To feel better

———————

Gimme ten minutes of happiness

For a day of sadness

A fair deal

It’s so delightful

Liberating

————————

My dear

Uncover your facade

Lose your constant giving

Receive some admiration

—————————

I study your face

That wicked half-smile

Hiding all your woes

What I would give to make that smile real

Sincere

To liberate your spirit

Untire your bones

Your emotional baggage

Lift you up

Watch you levitate

That unbearable lightness….

——————–

I write as I wake before dawn

Feeling you

Knowing we’ll meet

Embrace

Kiss

In such an unforced, natural way

With complete freedom

We co-exist

——————

There’s so much to adjustment

But I trust your judgement

And if all that happens stays only in my head

It shall have to be enough

———————–

Attrition

Escape

Freedom

They have found us

At a later age

But we’re eternally young

Copyright Ted Kouretas 2014

Epiphanies

From “A Fine Line “

Life hasn’t been so kind
Loop after loop

Hurdle on top of hurdle

Fake news

Imaginary dichotomies

———–

Things make no sense until they do

Reality seems unreachable

We walk the mortal coil

In the lap of feigned luxury

On porn sites

In executive board meetings

In big cars

At sports events

We walk

We trudge

We recoil

We lose our smile

Eventually

Till our next affair

———-

Happiness comes not in a pill

It’s gained by chance

By coming in touch with our solitude

And accepting the existence of now

The peace that has been lonely since we

were kids

We wash our soul’s tears away

Yet we’ve been hurt too many times

———–

Co-existence is the fruit of experience

It is beyond cherry orchards

Or strawberry fields

It is the undefined “it”

That perfect moment

In synchronicity

When all is in the right place

The skies

The spirits

They’re all balanced

And you start enjoying reality
Copyright Ted Kouretas 2017