The State of Christmas Address 

After about a decade on hiatus, it’s time for my annual Christmas speech to the masses. Please,  no partisan applause. No applause whatsoever. Just join the peanut gallery please. 

My friends, there has been a change to Christmas since a year ago. There has been a victory over the rampant and crippling political correctness that had endangered our holiday in previous years. For the first time in a long time, we are able to refer to Christmas as Christmas. The young lady at the Macy’s counter says Merry Christmas now, not Happy Holidays. The Korean woman at the corner store where I buy my lottery, my Muslim hairdresser, my Jewish tax accountant, …….  They all wished me a Merry Christmas.  And that’s fucking great. To be noted is that I have wished them a Happy Hanukkah, Eid Mubarek, etc. as well. It’s a question of common courtesy. A question of democratist ideology. 

The peanut gallery may now applaud.

Lock her up. Lock her up. Lock her up.

Now now. No need for that. She’s already in a prison of her own mind. Are you guys at the wrong rally?

Friends,  along with the good news comes the bad. We have not learned the spirit of giving. Ironically,  this is due to a lack of understanding of empathy and human rights. The modern interpretation of Christmas has deluded and disillusioned.  First, we decide to feed the poor because it’s Christmas. Does this mean we need to ignore them the other 364 days? 

In the grandstands up there is a hero of mine. He was at a TD bank ATM and saw a homeless person sleeping in there to stay away from the cold when an American tourist in a Brooklyn- Tuscaloosa accent started kicking the man. His drunk friends applauded his actions. Our hero took matters into his own hands and rammed the violent perpetrator’s head through the glass of the ATM. He called our police officers and justice was served.

Applause for the hero

In the end, friends, we need to feel the spiritual bond with our impoverished and homeless brethren. We need to see them as equals. They have endured so much. We need to make them examples of heroism instead of trying to shame them.

The problem of ultra consumerism is as prevalent as ever. Not even neo-liberal-created impoverishment has curtailed sales. People are spending. Getting into debt. Robbing their neighbours to get their kids useless presents. They are continuing the chain of ignorance and soullesness. Please please please, don’t let the Clinton acolytes get their way. Don’t become blinded like they are. 

I’ll get to the most important point now. We need to once again not only understand,  but also feel, the spirit of Christmas. It is one of the many spiritual steps to wholeness. Let’s take a deep breath, preferably outside, not while on a smoking break,  and let the spirit fill us. Let’s keep it in and breathe out the old, the anger, the fear. Let’s hug ourselves. Love ourselves. Let’s spread this to our neighbours. This is Christmas.  No one ever spoke of gifts. No one ever spoke of Santa Claus.

Folks, it’s time to spread the word. Time to embolden. It’s time to empower.  It’s time to spread the word of the truth. Time to educate. It’s fucking time to wake people up.

Wake them up! Wake them up! Wake them up!


The above was meant as a piece of entertainment.  There were no political, religious, or any other sort of influences and intentions that were brought up for any reason other than to create satiric and entertaining prose.

No offense to the peanut gallery.

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